Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize
