if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
