A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
