Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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