Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
