I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
