your parents love me but you hate me
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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