Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
