please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
