this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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