my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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