He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
