Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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