If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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