My first STD was from a foam party
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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