I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
