hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize