Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
