Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Bring me that man meat
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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