I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize