you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
