Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
