I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
