im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
