Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
