man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize