I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Randomize
