well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize