she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize