Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize