that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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