I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
