He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
