Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
