He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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