I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
