I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
