I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
