somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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