He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
