I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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