Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
