I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
