Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
