mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
They left me at home... I'm a liability
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
