haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
