my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
