I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
