Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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