everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I feel like death gave me a hand job
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
