Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
