your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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