bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
