when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize