Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
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