Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
