Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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