Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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