I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
