I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
