Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
