I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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