my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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