just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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