does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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