So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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