My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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