oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
