also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
