Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
