Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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