So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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