he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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