I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
