Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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