i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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